I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
