HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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