hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
