someone get that fucking seahorse.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
