He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
