i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
