he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
