so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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