It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
