can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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