I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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