No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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