doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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