____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
