i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
