he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
