White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
