then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you win again, gameday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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