Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
