She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
