I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
