it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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