i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
