Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
