It's like God shit irony all over that family
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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