best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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