Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
