Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
