My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
