Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
