So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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