No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
