I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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