tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
where am i from again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
