Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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