At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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