somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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