after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
