you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My butt remains clenched, sir.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
