Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
