You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
