I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
even my farts smell like vagina
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
