Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
