Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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