and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Send help, water and tortillas.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
