just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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