i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
