Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it because I queefed?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
