i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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