I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
