if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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