it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
