At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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