i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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