You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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